A permanent solution for a temporary problem.
No matter who you are, no matter
what your position is in life, no matter what you have accomplished or accumulated, one
thing is certain: you will die. The only question is when.
Of course, you already know that,
so why bother repeating it? Because we forget. I see it all around me, and I do it too. We
live as if we knew that we would never die - as if we have all the time in the
On the other hand, sometimes we
feel like we have no hope and no choice, but to end it all. We get so focused on a
problem, a TEMPORARY problem, that we forget everything else. We forget that today is
tomorrow's past. We forget that time heals ALL wounds.
I am certainly no guru. I've said
that many times, both in these pages and in real life. But I will say this: I know how it
feels to be at the edge. I know how it feels be be totally hopeless and desperate. In the
past, I did extremely drastic things too. The fact that I am still alive tells me that I
am very lucky, and that I should share my luck.
I want to say that I'm glad I'm
still alive, despite what I may have done in the past. When I look back now, I don't feel
bad, guilty or stupid. I'm just glad that I'm still here. They say that there are no
guarantees in life, but that's not true. Believe this: TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. I want you
to know that if you are at a point right now when you feel totally hopeless, IT WILL PASS.
It's important to know that, because suicide is permanent. You can't change your mind
after it's done.
So you're having a bad day, a bad
week, or even a few bad years. Guess what, you're not the only one. If you knew how people
really feel, despite what they may show, you'd be amazed. Sometimes, the people who look
the happiest are probably overcompensating for their deep sadness. Because the truth
is that life is made up of good and bad, sadness and joy. You couldn't tell the difference
unless you experience them both. It's how you react that makes you who you are.
Do you know who you are? You are
who you want to be. You have the power of choice. Free Will. You can decide whether you
will kill or not. That's how powerful you are. Think about it.
Decide, right now, that no matter
how bad things are, you will NOT kill yourself, ever. Make that promise. I did, and
suicide is no longer an option for me, no matter what. Just by making that promise, you
step into a new world of possibilities.
Start thinking in a new way. YOU
HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE. You are powerful.
Maybe you don't feel powerful right
now. But things change all the time. Remember a time when you felt good, and know that you
can feel like that again. If you need help, get it. Go to a doctor. Tell them how you
feel. There is no shame in seeking help when you need it. It's no different than if you
had a heart attack or a broken bone. You would have NO hesitation to get help for that.
Sadness, anxiety, stress, and all the terrible feelings that come with depression are no
less serious than a heart attack. Depression is partly environmental, partly hereditary,
but studies show that a shortage of seratonin in our system contributes to depression, and
there are means for treating that. Taking antidepressants is no different than taking
heart pills or medication for diabetes. There is no shame.
Everybody has a story, and it's
called LIFE. We all have ups and downs. We can hope to have more ups than downs, and we
have to play the hand we're dealt. When you're at your worst, remember that after the
rain, there is a rainbow. Everything is temporary.
In 1997, there was a wave of
teenage suicides here in Quebec. No one wants to talk about it, but it did happen. At one
school alone, six seemingly perfectly balanced kids killed themselves within two weeks.
Nobody knows why.
Every day, all over your country
and mine, and in all the countries of the world, people kill themselves because they are
in a temporary state of desperation.
- Every problem has a solution.
- Everything is temporary.
Suicide is a permanent
solution for a temporary problem. Please remember that, and remind others too.
Wishing only well,
In loving memory
of our beloved friends who wanted to live.
Rogerio Emanuel Miranda
November 29, 1960 -
April 10, 1996
December 6, 1960 - November 10, 1996
Dr. Sandrah Nelson-Castro
October 2, 1958 -
February 25, 2000
Always in our hearts.
We have received
numerous emails regarding this article, and wish to thank everybody, especially those who
wrote to say that this article helped them, and those who knew our departed friends. Here
are a few more details that we can provide about them.
My friend Sandrah was very ill for
about seven years and had been on the lung recipient list for over three years. Sandrah
underwent a SUCCESSFUL lung transplant on January 5th 1998, but died of pneumonia two
years later, on February 25th, 2000. She was doing well until she got a virus in January
2000, which her body was unable to fight. I got the news from her mother. I will remember
that call forever.
You may recognize
Rogerio from his years as an international top model for Haute Couture Houses such as Yves
St-Laurent, etc. He was also the identical twin of Carlos Miranda, and together they
played the twin bodyguards in the Godfather Part Three (3).
They also played in
other movies together, including "CHRONIQUE D'UNE MORT
ANNONCÉE", an Italian/French/Columbian Co-Production, (ITALIE | FRANCE | COLOMBIE)
directed by Francesco Rosi, that was presented at the 1987
Cannes Film Festival.
I have to say that
it's quite a thrill to watch a movie with one of the main actors sitting right next to
you, in your home base. But being with Rogerio was that easy. He was extraordinary, but he
was just a regular guy. He was a true gentleman, something that sadly, is so rare these
days. He was full of life and joy, and he never missed an opportunity to show love, and
make you feel special.
He had surgery on
Friday, and was fine enough on Saturday to talk to my sister Maria to wish us all a Happy
Easter, and to make visiting plans. But by late Easter Sunday, the following
day, he was in a coma. My sister
and me were at his bedside most of the last day of his life, until way after midnight. His
twin brother, Carlos Miranda, called me at 10 AM on April 10, 1996 to say, "Roger is
gone. He passed away at 9:45 AM". There were no words. The Funeral Mass was on
Thursday April 12, and then he was buried. Gone. Unbelievable. Only 35 years old, in the
PRIME of his life.
Nicolino was our
cousin. He lived in Italy, but we were fortunate to meet twice. The first
time was in Italy, when we were both in our teens, and had an instant
"crush" on each other. For the few days I was in my hometown in
Italy, we had a blast together. The only other time we met was in Florida in February
1994. He looked fabulous, healthy and vibrant. We were only together for about a
week, because I had to return to Montreal, but he spent a month with my brother in
Florida. My parents and sister were also in Florida, so it was a real family reunion. It was
also a final goodbye that we never expected. He was also only 35 when he died,
in November 1996, less than a
month before his 36th birthday.
You Amaze Me (Tribute Poem)
Article by Carmen