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I Weeble and Wobble, But Wonıt Fall Down By Bob Schwartz I didnıt succumb to the Tuffy the Terrier temptation during the Beanie Baby craze. Not once did I join the ranks of overly-zealous parents with nothing better to do than stand in line at 6:00 AM on a snowy February morning to get first dibs on Patti the Platypus when the store opened four frostbitten hours later.Admittedly, my sanity could have been challenged when I tried to explain to my then six-year-old son that the attraction of these sacks of cheap cloth stuffed with polyethylene pellets was nothing other than a carefully designed mass-market campaign that lined the coffers of some mega corporation. My pontificating clearly fell on deaf ears as my son then questioned, "Yeah, fine dad. But do you think theyıll retire Cappuccino the Cat before Buttercream the Bunny? And can you spot me a few weeks allowance so I can get a Beanie Babies display case?" Now, years beyond that fad as well as the unfathomable popularity of Cabbage Patch dolls (all of whom bore a striking resemblance to my tenth grade drama teacher), I can no longer boast of evading toy-advertising schemes. I confess to now being a full-fledged fanatical member of Wobbler Addicts Anonymous. Seems I have a bit of a hankering for these 3-inch-tall-weighted-bottom-colorful-pieces-of-plastic-Disney-characters that are now sitting at the top of selected Kelloggıs cereal boxes.My plastic toy addiction started innocently enough a few months back as I spotted a pint size Sleeping Beauty and a Jiminy Cricket resting comfortably on my kitchen table. My seven-year-old daughter clued me in on what they were and the Goofy gauntlet was tossed. As I grabbed her arm and sprinted out the door, our quest to collect all 50 Wobblers Disney characters officially began! Before Baloo could sing "The bare necessities of life will come to you!" - Cereal City was no longer in Battle Creek but in our laundry room. An afternoon spent at 38 grocery stores within a 75-mile radius of our house had produced enough boxes of commercially processed pre-sweetened and multi-colored grains to feed all of Rhode Island for a year. The only saving grace was the fact that they all came with enough added preservatives that their expiration dates were somewhere in the next millennium.The key to any Wobbler recognizance mission is to avoid getting duplicate characters. 14 boxes of Fruit Loops yielding 12 Donald Ducks can bring a father to tears. I was convinced that the remaining 23 odd Wobblers we were after had not even been released (let alone manufactured). I was simply another sucker in the master cereal conspiracy game. But then something happened. After about four months of collecting Wobblers I sat alone at the breakfast table late one night, systematically surveying a cereal box and circling the Wobblers that still remained outside our fingertips. Suddenly, I was shocked to read that one could order a whole set for $29.99, 3 UPCıs and an official order form. I confess that for a brief moment I was jumping on the easy route of that Bambi bandwagon. But Doc and not Dopey got the better of me, for I knew that the joy was in the cereal challenge of the Mad Hatter hunt, the Simba search, the Pinocchio pursuit. My daughter and I wouldnıt take the easy way out even if it meant dinners of Frosted Flakes and Rice Krispies until she went off to college. As I began a spread sheet of grocery store delivery routes and times of incoming cereal boxes, I knew she and I were going to do this the right Wobblers way. But if anyone out there has an extra Dumbo then Iıll gladly trade you my pile of 18 Buzz Lightyears that are staring at me from my desk. And Iıll even throw in 14 boxes of Apple Jacks. October 2005
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Bob Schwartz is a syndicated humor writer whose essays have appeared in over 150 magazines and newspapers in the U.S., Canada, England, and Australia. His latest book, a hysterical look at parenting, is entitled Would Somebody Please Send Me to My Room! A Hilarious Look at Family Life (Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.) Available at bookstores and Amazon.com. |