You know you are Canadian when...

• You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
• You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk".
• You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".
• You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
• You drink pop, not soda.
• You know what it means to be on pogey.
• You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
• You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
• You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
• When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
• You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't want to know if he has!
• You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
• Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
• You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
• You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
• You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
• You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
• You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
• You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
• You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
• You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
• You participated in "Participaction".
• You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale , "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
• You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
• Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.
• You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
• You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
• You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
• You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
• You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
• You were mad when "The Beachcombers" was taken off the air.
• You know what a toque is.
• You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
• You know Toronto is not a province. (...yet)
• You never miss "Coaches Corner".
• Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
• You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.

Special thanks to Joseph Ramacieri for this submission
February 2000

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